Originally Posted by
Thumper 
First I think you can trust yourself. We can know ourselves, which is different then knowing another, to me. Omitting important details about one's past, masking the truth, and keeping secrets does not build trust.
It is not important, because I will never go back to that.
Originally Posted by
Thumper Trust is built on many things. For me honesty, openness, and respect are some of the most important. In your example of not giving me information about past alcohol problems you are keeping information from me in an attempt to get what you want. That feels like manipulation to me.
No, in my example, I would be choosing not to automatically volunteer information that is irrelevant to the my present lifestyle. It is not like withholding information on a past marriage, for example, which could still be pertinent.
Originally Posted by
Thumper It is worse then the past problems because it is a *present* problem. It is controlling the information for personal gain when you know it is information that other people feel is important for their own sense of security and personal autonomy.
It would be controlling information because I know that thanks to the incessant propaganda from what I like to call the recovery lobby, people have misconceptions about the nature of addiction and recovery. This is especially true of never-addicted people, for whom addiction understandably appears completely and utterly illogical.
Originally Posted by
Thumper I would ask any teetollar I was getting serious about why he doesn't drink. Why? Because I've know quite a few people that do not drink at all. 3 don't drink for religious reasons and one I have no clue about and the rest were all alcoholics. It would not matter in a casual relationship and certainly people are allowed their privacy but if I was getting serious, I would want to know. I have a right to my feelings on the matter, right or wrong, and should be allowed the autonomy to make my own decisions - not tricked.
You certainly have a right to your feelings on this or any other matter, but I would question whether or not you you have a right to know about someone else's private reasons for not drinking alcohol. If you have a problem with dating or living with a drinker, you could certainly simply draw the line there and be done with it. As for whether I would disclose the information if someone asked, I probably would, provided I knew their intentions were not malicious, and that doing so would not put me at risk.