Wow! I just read this! The codependent symptom of projection is a zinger, isn't it? People get triggered by all kinds of stuff related to family of origin issues. Alcoholics and codependents are traumatized by their primary caregivers and we are forever hurt by that! It never goes away and the triggers can keep all that wounding fresh in our hearts.
No one is responsible for the alcoholic's behavior except for the alcoholic. And no one is responsible for the codie's behavior except for the codie. When I feel the temptation to project, then I know that something has been triggered within me and I will search until I find that trigger and squash it if I can. I don't want my past ruling my present or future. If I am feeling projected upon, then I have the right to stand up for myself because no one else will do it for me.
Much compassion to the both of you. It sounds like you're both hurting. Learn from this situation.....you'll be grateful.