Trying to cope, failing
Well, my addiction started like many others. 8 years ago I fractured a vertebrae, but it took over a year for the doctors to actually find it. Ironically, the day it happened was also the day I got my first kidney stone, so initially I kept feeling like I pulled a muscle in my side, but the pain got so bad I was on my knees in tears, so I went to the ED and a subsequent CT scan showed a 5 1/2 millimeter stone in my left side, which I had to have surgically removed because it's shape caused it to stick. I kept having pain for months after any my urologist said something else had to be wrong, and finally a specialist in NYC where my MRI was sent found that the 'wings' on my L5 were fractured off, but they hadn't moved enough to be obvious.
So I was sent to a pain clinic to manage the issue and to try different types of physical therapy to try and get it to heal, which didn't work, so they started me on codeine, which led to vicodin, oxycodone, methadone, dilaudid, and even fentanyl. I had to wait over 4 years before I could get the time off work to have the surgery to try and fix the problem since it required a 6 month sabbatical and with three kids I couldn't afford it.
After the surgery I continued to visit the pain clinic and they kept me on the meds for awhile but intended on tapering me off, but one fateful day I called to have them mail me my refills, waited days, didn't get it, called back, they accused me of stealing my own meds to try and get more, noting this is the FIRST TIME I ever asked for my meds a second time, let alone "early" since they assumed I sold them or something and tried to lie about it. So I was kicked out and sent into severe Methadone and Oxycodone withdrawal, ironically 2 weeks later I found the missing scripts in my daughters room, she took all the mail to play Office in her room, and I still have them to this day for my records. After over a week of the most miserable time of my life I found a new doctor that dealt with patients deemed "Difficult" ... I saw him for several years and he kept steadily increasing my dosage to where I was taking 90mg of Methadone and 360mg of Oxycodone a day. Everything seemed fine and the meds kept 95% of my pain blocked. One day he decides he wants to retire with virtually no warning (less than 2 weeks), as most will probably know thats almost impossible to find a new doctor within that time frame.
So once again I was sent into massive withdrawal while trying to find a new doctor, all his patients going through the same thing so they were filling all the local clinics up fast. Eventually I found a new PCP who has been trying to wean me down since and has gotten me down to 40mg a day of just Oxycodone, but now his office has a new policy, they will not write any narcotic pain meds at all to anyone, that all patients have to go to a pain clinic now, and there are only two around me that offer meds, both of which are completely full and have waiting lists several hundred long ...
As a result of this and the fact that he decided to tell me this the day I went in to get my next refill (I was seeing him every 2 weeks where he took 1 10mg tab a day away), and wouldn't give me a new refill. So here I am now, and I'd like to say I am 4 days into being without any meds, but the truth is I only made it 3 days then yesterday one of my neighbors offered me a couple of 5/325s to take the edge off and I gave in, I haven't been sleeping at all, and as I mentioned before, I have three kids to take care of, so I can't just go into a detox, and I tried all the local suboxone doctors, they ALL have waiting lists. I'm pulling my hair out and going stir crazy. It's not as bad as when I was on the much higher doses, but the reality is it's still horrible. I've tried the baths, the advil/ibuprofen/tylenol/etc, and so forth.
I know this is a rather long and drawn on post but I wanted to state who I am and what my situation is. One of the big issues is I get kidney stones a lot, I've had over 150 of them in the last 8 years since that first one, 5 of which I've had to have surgery for, so completely ignoring pain meds for the rest of my life is impossible as anyone that has ever had a 3-4-5mm+ (I've had them as big as 12mm) stone can attest (usually a 1mm stone is enough to put someone on their knees) .. I've never taken my meds just to get high, I never shot them up or anything, I took them as prescribed, but unfortunately I've had a horrible bit of luck with these local doctors (street-based pain meds has become a big problem here to the point of doctors being afraid to even write them) ...
If anyone is in the local Rochester NY area and knows a doc they think can help finish my weaning, or any other help please let me know. I'm supposed to be starting a new job next week and can't be sweating profusely and have virtually no energy while trying to learn the new job and support my kids.