H Conchgirl, I can relate to your story as mine's is very similar. I'm 44 and I've partied and binged since I was 14. I got into a fair bit of bother as a youth but managed to 'control' my drinking from early 30s onwards, or so I thought. I came here two weeks ago and have been sober since, including the past two weekends which has been a revelation. I've stopped for health reasons and from what you've said you obviously realise the need to stop too. You'll get tremendous support on this site so keep reading and posting.