Originally Posted by
hadenoughnow 
IMO by letting him come by daily you are allowing to him to set a status quo that he can use later to argue that you have no concerns about him, his previous abuse of you and his care (or lack therof)of the children.
Hmm, I was thinking that the opposite was true. He comes here for 1 hr on average 3 days of 5 during the work week and I leave for about 45 min of that time. I think that plan, as opposed to him taking the girls elsewhere demonstrates that I am concerned about them spending excessive time with him and having him drive them (which I am concerned about).
And, the way he treats me aside, I haven't gotten a court order keeping him from being here ( I tried and the court didn't give me a RO) so he has a right to come and see the girls. Surprisingly, he's been agreeable about coming at x time and leaving at x time and doesn't just "show up".
At the moment this solution, while not ideal for me (ideal would be having him disappear from the face of the earth) seems to be working for the girls. They get to see him and I get 99% of the time with the girls myself.
I posted this because I am struggling in my own recovery with how to not let my seeing him get me all upset. That's MY issue. Not his or his fault.
All the responses have actually helped me a lot. They've made me realize that I should be grateful that all he wants right now is an hour here and there with the girls and instead of my focussing on how I don't like that, I am now focussing on being grateful for the fact that I am not battling him over time with the girls (he threatened this pre-separation but hasn't followed through). I think my biggest problem with this arrangement was getting my mindset in a better place.
This could be a lot worse. I could be having to ship the girls off to his place for full weekends or any number of other scenarios that are far less appealing to me than this one. I think rather than focus on what I'm bothered by, I will focus on all that I have.
For ex/ tonight, he saw them for a couple hours but then I fixed them dinner, watched a movie with them, we laughed, made popcorn together and all cuddled on the couch. I can live with AH being around for a few hrs now and then, given how much I am getting in return. Peace for all the hours he isn't here, wonderful times with the girls and the time he is here with them is really a drop in the bucket.
I think I just needed to re-frame how I looked at this and thanks to your replies and my thinking this through, I think I've done that!
Thank you, all of you!