Sorry about your neck Dee - I get that from time to time its so annoying. I havent had it for a long time now as the last time I had problems I saw an Osteopath and it was wonderful - I wish I could afford to go every week I came out feeling like I was floating but most importantly it sorted my neck and back problem.
Kate hun I feel for you. I am having to get used to seeing people going back to the drink in AA as well as in here. It happens. It is so hard to tackle such a huge thing as alcoholism when you have other major problems in your life as well but we all know that alcohol will only make things worse. The difficult thing to do is to get out of the self harming, not caring about yourself, mode that brings on the "F*** it" moments when you just dont care about the consquences and need the quick release it gives you at that moment in time. The cravings can be beaten, the problems will still be there, but you will be better able to cope with them. Unfortunately getting over alcohol addiction takes a long time and a lot of work so its such a vicious circle. If I knew how I was going to be feeling the past couple of months when I first stopped drinking it might have put me off - I am a very weak willed person and if im feeling ill or down I really struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel. However, I dont and didnt want to die and somehow I have got through to where I am now. Katie if I can do it you can too. You are much younger and probably have better health - if you can get medical help for depression and some face to face support to tackle the drinking it will help you immensely. I would suggest you try therapy or AA to get you through these dark times. Therapy probably has a money issue attached to it but AA is free and available everywhere every day. Why not give it a go. Not only does it help with the drink problem but you will make new friends and people who will want to listen to you and talk about your problems and help you. Like Buelah I wish I could give you a big hug. AA's arms are always open wide and as I cant help you in person I think it might be a good thing for you to try. If nothing else it will give you a distraction and something else to think about for an hour or so. If you have any meetings near to you would you consider attending?
Mariano I always love what you have to say - we need someone in here who is a good strong example of happy healthy sobriety and you are that person. I wish I could wind the clock forward for those who are struggling and still feel they would "like" to be able to drink - to get through the darkest early days and get to where you are - seeing the miracle happen and feeling the benefits and being truly happy and no longer wanting to drink. I am definatley getting there but it hasnt been easy - however it is getting easier. I still have alot of wreckage from my past to clear up but at last feel like I can make a start and make the lives of those around me so much better and help others who have been or still are where I was, trapped in alcoholism. It is an invisable prison, only you can set yourself free, find your key and use it and work it every day to maintain it. I still have a lot of work to do to get to the point of being "recovered" like it says in the big book, however I already feel free - so much freedom from those chains. Just to be able to drive whenever I need to is a quick simple example of this but it is also much deeper in many ways.
TP I forgot to thank you for the wonderful words you told us about back at top of page 1 of this thread. Im going back now to read them again.
Bratnik when you are back I had a hell of a dream last night for you to analyse for me. Im pretty sure I can work out what its about but would love to hear what you have to say about it.
Love to everyone and a happy and healthy sober weekend! I will be around alot today I have nothing to do except my step 4 work, lots of housework and paperwork. Ill be checking in regularly which I love to be able to do. You guys help lift me so much you are my invisible but very very important close friends and I cant imagine being without any of you now.