Hey all, I used opiates, then opiates used me. I quit cold turkey 5 months ago (almost 6.) I havent used since.
A bit about me and why I'm here, I'm also 24 years old. I'm male from Ohio, in the usa. While I was using I became very solitary. I stopped all contact with my friends, and passed by all of lifes opportunities and eventually they stopped comming. The friends stopped calling, and I gave up seeking any sort of relationships with others. This went on for 5 years. I eventually came to a place where I had to stop, for my own sake. And I did. But the damage had been done. I now find myself a social wreck. I am akward, nervous, and incapable of looking another person in the eye. Whenever I walk into a gas station I suddenly feel as though everyone is staring at me, judging every move I make. I have not been In a relationship in two years, and at this point have very little desire to have one. I miss the companionship, and the special moments, but I can't even imagine having that with someone. My self esteem is nonexistent and I feel I have nothing to offer anyone else. And in turn, I feel annoyed and uncomfortable in the presence of others. My turning to drugs for solace was inevitable. Now that they don't control my life anymore, I am left to deal with this on my own. I have dreams of going to school, getting married, buying a house...ect. Again I can't imagine my life turning out that way. I don't even know how to have a conversation with my parents. Therapy would be fantastic but no job, no insurance, and no money is a problem. I've made several attempts to just get out there, get a job and break through all this but to no avail. Job interviews in the past would end with me getting nauseous and leaving abruptly. Dozens more I couldn't work up the nerve to go in for. So that's kind of an extreme feeling lonely post...
It feels good to post about it so nobody should feel inclined to respond, though feedback is very welcome. Thanks for reading
