I "should" be getting on with my day. I am going to paint the bathroom and room that is attached to my workshop. I have it all cleared and prepped up. I am thinking about this discussion, and wanted to chime in again. The big book refers to the "obsession" with drinking, which at times I have equated with craving and at other times what I think of as "the struggle". The struggle is worse than the direct effects of drinking. It is the times we are wresting with Dee's bear, or me plotting and planning to trap and tame the tiger. It used to take up a large part of my day and consisted of thinking to get the best out of my drinking experience, and plan my survival and getting it right..............eg like
should I or shouldn't I
Can I or can't I
what if I only
what if
what else can I try
why can't I just
All associated with the soothing licks of the tiger- you're not like the others, You're not that bad, we can make it work, remember the good times, you like it, it's OK etc etc
Once I accepted that this torment will never change (not next week, not next year, not in 20 years ie never , no matter what I do (unmanageable), and no matter how much I want it to, or how clever or intelligent or high functioning I am.........then the path to freedom is in front of me and I find I am relieved of suffering.