I had gone to an AA meeting and I was asked to give an example of humility, the only thing that I could come up with then, was to admit that I made a mistake. It never even entered my mind then, to admit that I need help, and I need friends, or that I am not as perfect as I tried to be, or as inadequate as I was told that I am.
I'm so used to being told that I was nothing, that I have a really hard time accepting help. The friends that I lived with are always bringing things over to me, because I can't refuse. They are very helpful things, but I would never ask. The husband even told me that he would change a light fixture for me. I kept putting that off, even though I could really use the help.
In a way, I was, or am, refusing help, because it makes me feel codependent. Now in my situation right now, that is total stupidity. They would not be helping me, because they wanted something from me, they would be helping me because they wanted to.
This is one of the things that I am working on. I guess you can call it "trust". I don't trust people not to hurt me. I trust my friends, but I didn't want them to do things for me out of "pity", and they're not. They want to do things for me because they like me, and it is very hard for me to believe that. This is something I might have to get used to, and it's uncomfortable for me.
That's really weird. If people are actually being nice to me, and expect nothing, I feel uncomfortable.