i've asked him not to drink around me, to which he said it depends on the circumstances. this is causing huge problems in our relationship, and lots of fights. i love him and he loves me, [i'm not a naive kid when i say that] i don't want something i hate so much. like alcohol, to ruin my relationship with him
It sounds like it is already affecting your relationship. He knows your story and your reasons for not wanting him to drink around you and he is not respecting that. Given your age, his age, and your story, that is not an unreasonable request.
Please read lots on this site and if there is Alanon near you check it out. In my area there are groups for people in late teens and early twenties and this would be great for you.