Hi Painterman,
When a party engages, they become part of the problem.
I dated my husband for years before I married him. I know he's not violent in any way.
I have no doubt that people change if they are using alcohol or drugs, and are no longer the same person.
If we make the choice to approve a partner we know is using drugs/alcohol, then crazy behavior isn't really unexpected. Crazy behavior would be the norm.
If your spouse was healthy and not drinking or using drugs when you met, then you have my sympathy. If your spouse was using drugs or abusing alcohol when you met, and you chose to continue to proceed with a relationship, then it's pretty hard to be shocked or ask for sympathy.