Finding peace, Like you I've gone through some tremendous depression. I also also resistant to meds and feel like I want to really feel what is going on. I saw my MD about taking antidepressants, and she told me to go home and double the amount of exercise I am getting. Frustrating, but I took her advice. It does help.
But what has worked for me in pulling myself out of this funk is to say "I am going to take 15 minutes and clean up the house (or start a load of laundry, or shower, or pay bills), then I can go back to doing whatever I want to do." I set a time for 15 minutes and work fast. At the end of the 15 minutes I always start to feel better, so set the time for another 15 minutes and do some more cleaning, or whatever needs doing. This is a variation of "one day at a time" as in "one quarter hour at a time." It's baby steps. Getting some sort of forward motion. Try it, it really does help.