I feel you on the other family members becoming toxic, fortinately for me it's just my cousin who bugs me, well talks to everyone about how I am not there, I am an only child, so I don't siblings to add to it. It's rough stuff, no doubt. I get equally upset about the talk about me not being there as much as her drinking/drugging again. It's hard enough as a child of the addict to cut them off, you deal with your own thoughts of, is this the right thing to do, should I be there, she's going to need someone there, as hearing the, why isn't she there for her mom, etc. I recently read a quote by Mother Teresa: "Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."
Just at this time of my questioning myself of not being there and I felt terrible and cried and cried, but I called her and told her I loved her, but I don't know what to do to help her.
I find this forum very comforting to see a lot of this is just the norm for addiction and I have to stay strong and get through it............but the heart aches constantly.