Is it possible...?
so for those of you who don't know all the details, I'm 19 years old, smoked marijuana daily when I was 16, started abusing prescription amphetamines when I was 16 or 17, used cocaine about 4 days out of the week for 4 months when I was 18... as well as abusing benzos. developed panic disorder, went to a therapist for help- told him about my drug use, he recommended I go to rehab, thus starting my recovery. (after failed attempts)
overall, looking back on it... part of it was an attention thing. I used alone 95% of the time, but for some reason I felt like a "bad ass" and the idea of being an addict didn't scare me, hell, at the time I thought that would be "cool"... Negative attention seemed to be a good thing, maybe I liked the idea of people fearing me or feeling sorry for me, either one I guess. So as you could imagine, I didn't try to control my using, instead with every drug I tried I would use it all day everyday (or as much as my body would allow me). It got to the point though where I didn't enjoy the drugs, and I would have panic attacks each time I used (the reason I went to therapy...) after all, the panic attacks/anxiety were my problem, not the drugs (sarcasm).
I have a relative who started smoking weed at 11, started drinking at 13, and using cocaine regularly (he transported the drugs to dealers and got a cut of it at age 13, he told me all the details, it was crazy) at that age on up until he was 19.
He drinks beer on the weekends. He works a job, seems successful, not violent, gets his sh*t done, and doesn't use any illegal substances.
I have asked this a long time ago, and I know that you can't advocate the use of drugs or alcohol, but this time the question is a little different besides "is it ok to drink?"...
What I want to know is..
is it possible that I'm not even an addict? Is it possible that I can drink responsibly?
a cold beer seems relatively harmless imo... I think I am capable of drinking one or 2 or 3 and just stopping... I mean I have never tried but I know I never really liked feeling "out of control"