Friday
Maybe I've made this post before, but because I'm sitting in an empty house right now and it's Friday night, forgive me if I repeat myself.
I remember Fridays when I was married to an A.
How everyone in the office was going around saying "Thank GOD it's finally FRIDAY!" and "Have anything exciting planned for the weekend?" and I sat there with a pit in my stomach and thought to myself "Yeah, how about making sure the kids don't get the brunt of it when AH is drunk and mad? How about getting woken up at 3 am and raped by a drunk? That exciting enough for ya?"
I dreaded weekends. Fridays were the worst. Once Sunday morning rolled around, he was usually too drunk to wake up before 3 in the afternoon (he had basically been drinking since he got home on Friday) and the kids and I could get some peace, go out and do some fun stuff. Try to pretend like everything was fine.
I can't tell you how different Fridays are for me now. How I relish the time with the kids, uninterrupted (the weekends they're with me). How I enjoy having time to clean my tiny little apartment and know that nobody's going to puke in the sink. How I can sleep in without having a drunk demand sex.
But I know I'm surrounded by people who are today where I was just a short while ago. I see them at the office. I see it in their eyes, how they look away, look busy, or go get more coffee when someone starts talking about weekend plans.
And I know I'm surrounded by people here who are in that same place of dreading weekends.
Just know that you're not alone. And that there's always a way out. If you want there to be.
Big hugs to you.