...you may be right about a specific meeting, but you couldn't be more wrong about Alanon. You've heard of sponsors, right? What, exactly, do you think it is you do with a sponsor? Sit there and listen without speaking? Do what they tell you to do without talking about it? What do you suppose happens before and after the meetings? People working the program won't give you advice, but they will dialog with you, make suggestions, and share experience, strength, and hope.
I have lived your pain and worry, and I did it for many years. I am very sympathetic to where you are in your life today. I lost everything including cars and two houses, and my entire life savings and had to start over again at 44 years old.
But, you could not be more wrong about Alanon. Give it a chance, find more than one meeting because they aren't all the same. If you are capable of giving yourself over to the program I believe your life will improve. Many of us are control freaks and have difficulty with this, and if that applies to you I'd encourage you to acknowledge that about yourself and open your mind.
If you can't, in my opinion things are unlikely to change for you, whether your husband is drinking or not.
Good luck.
Cyranoak
P.s. I felt that same way about my wife's program, especially when she relapsed so quickly after coming home. HOWEVER, years later it was the things she learned in that same program that helped her find sobriety when she was in fact ready to live life without alcohol. It didn't happen on my schedule, but it happened. At least that's true today. We'll see what tomorrow brings... it is, in fact, one day at a time.
Originally Posted by
winnie1202 
What bothered me the most was the "self involvement". Don't get me wrong. I know he has to look inward to help himself but I living with a bunch of kids with no responsibilities or life "baggage", to me, doesn't help him evolve into a mature adult.
When they are drinking all alcoholics are concerned about is themselves. Everyone else can fend for themselves as far as they are concerned. To me, putting them into a situation where the only thing they talk about is themselves and THEIR feelings, THEIR addiction 24/7 does not prepare them for life among the living. The "living" are left to clean up the mess. Alanon does not encourage give and take conversations with other members so the "living" are left to sort out their own feelings and thoughts after working all day, groceries picked up, bills paid (not), dinner cooked, the kids homework reviewed, laundry done, house picked up, animals fed. Ok, now we can get retrospective for the 5 minutes before we collapse in bed.
Maybe I need to go into a recovery house, so I can just sit around and talk about my feelings all day, have my meals cooked and remove myself from the world. Can you read "angry" in this post?