Hi Rift.
I am sorry to hear you are struggling so much right now.
I know how discouraging life can be at times. For me it seemed to get worse once I got sober. Although my life became more manageable that feeling inside of me that something was missing, what was the point of it all, etc... was still there and seemed to be more prominent. I guess once the alcohol fog was removed my other problems became easier to see. I finally sought help through a mental health provider. Life is too short to feel there is not point to it all, to have no "lust for life". Life should be savored and enjoyed. Unfortunately, depression and mental illness can cloud those things. I am definitely not qualified to diagnose whether or not you have a mental health illness such as depression but I would recommend you speak to a professional and find out. It can't hurt and you might find a solution to what is going on and be able to find life once again.
I wish you the best and do hope you talk with your doctor or a mental health provider and seek some help.