So my subconscious wants to see me fail? I know that if I am able to stay sober, things will probably start to get better for me. But there is always that little voice in my head that drives me toward self-destruction?
I finally was able to find a job better than being a bartender, and that was a step in the right direction in so many ways - no more hanging around with drunks and being surrounded by alcohol all day at work. I was proud of that fact.
But even with that, I missed the social aspect. So I applied for a restaurant job a few weeks ago. I thought "hey I can handle this - I'll just go to work a few nights a week, make a few hundred extra bucks and things will be better."
But there was a little voice in the back of my head that said, "And you will get to go out for drinks after work!"
I guess I just want that little voice to shut up already and let me enjoy being successful....Luckily I didn't get the job.