Welcome to SR mardy
I'm not a parent but I identify with people always asking things of me, the stress, and the wanting to escape into oblivion in the evenings....
the trouble is as we both know - it's not good, and we slip deeper and deeper into the hole as the years go on.
I think when it comes down to it the only way out of the cycle is to get out of the cycle - to do something - whether it's joining here, or AA or some other group...
it can even be something as simple as seeing your Dr and being honest with them and listening to their advice.
You'll find a lot of support here
D