That is funny about what you said about your first 2 alanon meetings. That is almost like the ones I went to. The women there were bitter. However, I am becoming like the bitter old ladies. He is dead weight. I made a list of reason's to stay in the relationship and reason's to get out of the relationship. There were only two things in the reason's to stay. 1. I love him 2. He does not beat me. The other side of the list was full but I was also mad. I'm tired of being angry. I am tired of being the responsible one. I want to run away and become someone else. I wished I could be in some type of witness protection deal without having to be a witness to any crime.
That is what I feel like right now. Tomorrow I might feel better but I doubt it, I know he is using. I hate all of his friends. I think they are all losers. They even look like losers. He has two sets of friends, the drug friends and the non-drug friends. The drug friends are no teeth, trashy living, herky jerky tweeking mf'rs. I cannot stand them. That sounds so terrible of me to be so judgemental like that. I used to not be that way. I used to be accepting and felt sorry for them. Something snapped in me and I have lost all compassion for them. I have lost respect for my husband. I have lost all respect for my husband. That is a terrible thing. I hate that I am in the place now. I used to be so understanding, loving and caring.