Justlizzyd

I am new to this forum but not new to dealing with an addict. My husband is an addict and I am at my wits end. I used to be sad because of his addiction but now I am just mad, very mad. I am just mad. He keeps saying he is at a point where he is "almost" ready to get it totally out of his life. That is a load of crap! He does not want to stop using. I tried taking head meds myself prescribed to me by my doctor. I stopped taking them. My husband is upset because he liked me better in a fog. I was not as hard on him when I was on anti depressants. I am not depressed. I don't need them. I am just very angry and I feel hate towards him and I have had enough. We go to counseling, that does not help. My hubby expects me to just be loving and act like nothing is different when he uses. I have done that for several years and I am tired of putting on the smile. There is nothing to smile about when drugs are concerned. Has he slowed down? Sure, for a year it has been getting better, I guess, not as much quantity. He has not had the crazies in over a year. He takes medication to help him. However, as soon as he gets an extra dime, he is off buying. The only difference is he does not spend all of his money on it. I hate the addict. I really really hate the addict. I love him but I do not need him. I am financially independent. I am the major bread winner in our home. I have always made my own way in life. I just want to scream out loud......