Thanks Anvil. You made me cry.
It's embarrassing how emotionally charged it
Is to just working on being myself, by myself.
I did want to share it with him. So I can be like see? You can have good clean fun Detroit with creative ppl...Come with us to the other side of the bridge!
I know it's more about
Being able to do it on my own than him. Just wanted to strike out together...lol COdependent!
Its hard to explain in such short words, but I'm breaking a major mold...
I have to do this on my own. I really wanted him for the ride. I've been dragging him along, come on come with me...you have to.
Don't make me do this on my own. I can't! And just when I really needed to be brave again thats when I got back in it. Because I didn't want to have to keep climbing uphill by myself. Its no coincidence everytime I'm at a new phase of becoming more self-efficient I slide back into thinking I need him. Ugh yeah that stupid dream, it's so hard to let go for good because it was always the safe place to go to...and it was never even real, so it's not like anything changes with that. It's always there for you to believe in. Something like worship. Ew. Let's get out of diapers now and move onnnnnnn Jillian. I don't need someone to make the things I like okay. It's just so much more fun to share it with people who you know appreciate it too.
God I feel like a major headcase. Jeez I never expected all of this to happen when I broke NC. Just lock me up!
This is how it has to be. Im making my own strides.
And well, there are no pets allowed on this ride.