I remember being relaxed and even telling my husband to chill out (poor guy. how chill could he be single parenting with me *********). Sigh.
The tension you feel won't be nearly as bad once you are actually SOBER. Like living sober (not detoxing, not 'trying' for a day to not drink). And if it is bad then that's how you learn and grow. It's not healthy to be so tense all the time so you'll figure out why you feel that way and learn ways not to be that way.
Logically you can't think that 5 beers and benzo is the only way to be Mother of The Year right? It's just your alcoholic voice. It's OK.