Thanks Lilamy for sharing your ESH - glad you are in a better place now and hope I am there soon, but it is pretty tough now.
Yes, I did keep a (sporadic) journal, which was what I read yesterday at my temporary custody court date, when I felt emotional and scared.. Gave me strength to continue and not cry..Maybe one day, I should just put down all the hurful things that happened (no job for 4 years, not to mention 3yrs few years prior to that, drinking and refusing help all those years, no help at all at home, passed out frequently at home, so many birthdays and occasions ruined, raising of hopes and the consequent dashing of the same hopes, the shakes/nausea/tremors for the week that he would white knuckle before invariably giving in, yelling at kids and me, some many of my tears cried, the anger and resentment, the yellling at each other and fights, etc, etc, etc, etc).... Dang, what the hell is the matter with me??
It also helps me to know that not enabling might get him on the road to recovery but my enabling him would only make him go deeper into addiction.