Hi SUECAT - I admire you for continuing to work towards sobriety. It's hard to have a foot in both worlds, I know.
I hope you don't wait until something "happens" to get sober. If it's fear that's stopping you, try reading the success stories around here. Let yourself believe that things can get better, imagine where you want to be in a year......
I didn't want to stop drinking when I got here, but I didn't want to be in and out of the hospital either. I kept putting it off, though, for a long time. Finally I decided that if I was going to get sober "someday" I might as well get it over with. The only thing I was waiting on was me.
Wish I could help more. I think you just have to make a total commitment to do it, regardless of how you feel at the moment. All the best...