Welcome back SUECAT
Lot of good advice here.
I drank for years - over and over doing the same things and expecting a miracle - something outside me - would suddenly change the game plan.
From this side of the fence, if I learned nothing else, I learned that miracles start within me
What really changed the game for me in the end was action - and doing something different.
You have a lot of options - whether it be AA SMART or some other group, inpatient rehab, counselling - whatever.
Sometimes it just takes starting at the least onerous and not stopping until you find something that works
Don't let your shame or your pride stop you from doing what you know you need to do
D