Sloane, your child is no longer a toddler. She probably knows that mommy is "different" when she drinks and that's gotta be scary for her. My kids were 4 and 2 when I started to get sober and I realize that though I might have been a "fun" mom while drinking, they were certainly terrified at times by the instability of the situation(s). Kids can sense that. They were also very polite about it; never really mentioning how they felt when I was drinking until after I got sober. I unknowingly made them feel insecure and scared when I was using, plus; and thank god nothing happened during the times I was under the influence, I wouldn't have been able to get us to the hospital or even respond as effectively if something terrible happened. I shudder now when I look back on those times I was drunk around my children.
Now a couple years sober, I can tell you that I am not and never will be the greatest mother in the world. My kids may end up in therapy or worse; but not because I was out of commission due to being under the influence. Good or bad, I am present now and I can count on myself to step up in emergency situations (which I've unfortunately had to prove). They need me and I am all there and as long as I stay sober, I have a fighting chance to stay present in their lives.