Huskypup...can I get an AMEN??? and I'm not even religious LOL I agree wholehartedly with your post. You cited many of the reason I drifted away from AA early on, with no ill effects on my sobriety (in fact quite the contrary). I could not reconcile my feelings about the way group members seemed to shut down others when they shared. It didn't bother me when they did it to me because...well, I don't base my self esteem on what others think of me. Spent too many years doing that and lost myself in the process. I found some valuable things in AA, but also a great deal of things that were either not valuable or were impeding my growth. When I put it on a scale...well, it was clear I needed to move on to something more valuable for me at that point in my recovery.
The dissonance you are describing is very real...and enduring it for long periods can be very dangerous to one's well being. You should NOT have to compromise beliefs in order to fit into a group. Group dysfunction is alive and well and has been throughout history. Dissonance is there for a reason...it is telling you something very important. Consider listening...
Lastly...Intellectualizing can get you drunk? wow...I don't even know what to say...um, I am an educator and if there is only one thing I hope to pass along to the young people I teach it is that knowledge is power. period. The "stuck" can become "unstuck" with knowledge. Just a little P.S. - drinking alcohol can get you drunk and that's all that can get you drunk.