Here's the classic reading sticky you really should read:
Excuses Alcoholics Make
When I first read it, I uttered "Oh my god! That is almost EXACTLY what my exah would say! So he ISN'T unique and special!!".
Yellowbird, can I please ask you to give yourself a giant break? I do agree with you that it takes two to tango and that you need to work on recovery as much as he does, however beating yourself up for not boinking him enough when he was diving head first into a bottle is...futile. I personally cannot be intimate with someone I do not respect or trust...well, I *forced* myself to be intimate with my exah when he was blotto but it those were sad and painful experiences. What's more, you are NOT to blame for his drinking. There may have been a lot of emotional difficulty in your marriage, but you NEVER once held a gun to his head and forced him to chug, right? He CHOSE to deal with his stress by drinking. That is not, nor will it ever be, your fault. You may have the habit of accepting that blame because he spent so long repeating to you that you "destroyed him" (insert excessive drama here), but when it comes right down to him, every single gulp he took was a choice he made. Now he gets to deal with the consequences of his many poor choices.
Similarly, you have choices: you can choose to put away that big ol' "Ms. Bad Guy" sign and start taking care of you...if you don't do it, who will?
Time to take care of the basics:
H = hungry...please eat, even in small amounts. You need some fuel.
A = angry...this is where Al-Anon, friends, family and SR come in.
L = lonely...again with Al-Anon, friends, family and SR
T = tired...if you can't sleep, then try to rest.
Keep posting! SR is always open.