You will find your time, and when that time comes it will be a relief to be out. I stayed with my AH for 15 years. I let him verbally abuse me and let him make me believe that I was ugly, useless and would NEVER make it on my own. He went to rehab, and was sober for 60 days. While the abuse subsided and we lived a "normal" life those 60 days were the clencher for me. I realized I could no longer go back to living with an A. The day he began drinking again, I packed my children and I left. It has been 4 weeks. I have never been more content! Sure I am scared and broke, but I am at peace and I have learned to LOVE MYSELF, flaws and all! Don't be too hard on youself, change is a slow process.