YellowBirdy

I'd be interested in knowing what has worked for others in dealing with telling friends that you have separated from your ASpouse. A little background is that as of today my AH has a court order prohibiting him from contacting me or causing me any harm for 1 year and we are also in the process of legally separating. We have many mutual friends, some of which were my friends first, some of which were his first. After his last alcoholic episode in our home, where AH became abusive to me, friends of ours (who knew me first) noticed my bruises and I, being in my weak emotional state, told them what happened. They are trustworthy and are keeping this information to themselves, and are gravely concerned about both myself and even more so my AH, as he is in serious denial about his issues. However, my friends did tell me that had they not seen my bruises and also some of the damage incurred by AH to our home, they would not have believed me. I think this is partly because AH has been viewed by many as a "heavy drinker" when we are out socially. Many of our friends could be classified in the "heavy drinker" category too. Also, AH never told a soul about his DUI this past January. He moved into his brother's house this past winter because of the problems we were having (which I can now clearly see were because of his drinking which he continued but hid from me, which caused me to react with anger at times).

AH blames me for everything, and told a few of his closest friends that he had moved out temporarily because I was being a b*tch, driving him crazy, etc. and I have heard that is what they believe to be true. Beyond that, I am not sure who knows, and now that we cannot legally physically be in the same place at the same time due to the court order, our friends will definitely find out what is going on. I tried to make plans with one couple today, but they sent back a very, very short email and made no offer to make plans at another time which is unlike them. This leads me to believe my AH may have been talking to people already.

I would like to handle this with the utmost respect to my AH, as I do not feel his alcoholism is my story to tell. My therapist recommended I start reaching out to friends and try to make plans with them for dinner, etc. And when asked about my AH, her recommendation is to say,"We're not together right now." and if pressed about why say "It wasn't working out." and leave it at that. Therapist also said if I hear anything that is not true about the situation that defames me, I could say "Believe what you want to believe." because if I try to defend myself it will only appear that I am doing just that. What do you recommend? What has worked for you in this situation? Thanks in advance for any advice you might provide.