Originally Posted by
YellowBirdy 
I thought I read somewhere that even if your ASpouse doesn't seek any help for themselves, by you taking the first steps toward recovery, they might take steps for theirs too. Of course, having no contact for a year, my AH will not have any clue about what I'm doing. I am a mess.
The first time I heard the opening message at Al-anon meetings...
The family situation is bound to improve as we apply the Al-Anon ideas.
I thought, "Great! I'll work this program and it will inspire him to get sober!" Ah, maybe... or maybe not. What I have come to learn is that when I work on ME, 50% of the marriage gets healthier.. and thus, the situation IS bound to improve. What I have also come to learn is that the outcome I want (AH getting sober) may not ever happen, but as long as I'm am focusing on ME - MY life will get better. And if/when the time comes to end the marriage completely, I will be healthy and strong enough to follow through.
My denial/disease kept/keeps me stuck pursuing a fantasy (AH is sober and we live together, happily ever after). When I live in reality, I take things as they are, just for today... accepting that I have no control over what tomorrow brings.
Thanks for letting me share,
Shannon