I think I see what you are saying breakingglass.
I notice a couple of things since I started reading here, embracing the principles of al-anon, and being more self aware.
1) I waaaay more readily identify 'healthy' people. People that have it together. They are really shining to me now where before I think i was a little to self absorbed and confused to really pick up the details. That has been one of the biggest gifts and I'm slightly fascinated by those people. I wish I could be around them more.
2) I see others that I think could use a little SR
and I leave these people alone. I just put my recovery to work and be pleasant and happy and what not. I also am beginning to be able to identify behavior that is toxic and a little abusive. At the very very least very exhausting. I've been around it all my life and have always internalized it. I just felt bad, angry, less then, tired, confused at times. I consider it another gift of recovery that I can analyze a person or situation and see if it is me or if it is them being toxic and abusive. That line has not been there before. I need more recovery to draw the boundaries I think a really healthy/recovered me would have with this person but I'm getting there one tiny step at a time.
Sometimes relatives really are crazy
