So I feel kinda funny asking but if I am to not be a part of his recovery why do Naranon meetings? isnt that making myself involved with his addiction?
This is a great question and addresses something that is often very misunderstood.
Many of us initially go to Alanon or Naranon meetings hoping to find the key to getting them clean and sober OR the key to supporting them in their recovery. The meetings are actually not intended to do either of those things.
As people who are often afflicted with codependency, those of us who have been dealing with an addict or alcoholic can become as sick as they are.....sometimes sicker. Alanon and Naranon meetings help us address those behaviors that are devastating to ourselves and certainly aren't productive in coping with the addict in our lives (or just about anyone else for that matter). The meetings are for us.....not for them.
The positive byproduct of going to the meetings and working the steps are:
1. We become aware of our own behaviors.
2. We learn what healthy boundaries are and how to set them and enforce them.
3. We learn skills that can translate to all aspects of our lives.
4. We develop a changed attitude toward ourselves and others.
5. We learn what is within our control and that which is not.
6. We learn to let go of that which we cannot control.
7. We learn to better control that which we can.
Ultimately all of those things translate to better relationships in our lives.....not just with the addict we love......but with everyone we come in contact with.
Another nice byproduct of meetings is that all of those new things we learn just happen to coincide with the things the addict in recovery is learning. Therefore, if we plan on having any kind of relationship with them at all, it has a
better chance of being a healthier relationship.
The good news.....if we become healthier people, our chances of having healthier relationships in the future are much better.
gentle hugs
ke
PS - One of the little slogan gems that comes out of meetings is "take what you need and leave the rest". If someone writes anything here on SR that doesn't suit me, I leave it and just take those things that I am ready to accept or apply to my situation. The program has helped me so that my panties seldom get all bunched up anymore! lol