Yellowbirdy,
Sorry to hear what you have been living. There comes a point when we cannot endure anymore of the actions and consequences of the active alcoholic we are living with. We all have a breaking point, and it sounds like you have reached yours.
I too, felt like the second fiddle. Alcohol controlled our daily life, as it was his first priority. His commitment to the bottle could not be altered. I was competing with the booze, and I was loosing.
Loving a memory is not enough. The disease was absorbing him, mind, body, and soul. He became a stranger, and I did not like the selfish, lying, manipulative man.
No one should have to live in fear. His actions of abuse towards you are escalating. Violence is a deal breaker. He is a grown man and it's time he accepts responsibity for his actions.
It really is ok to say " I will not live like this for one more day." Give yourself permission to move forward and not look back. Choose to live a life free from this horrible disease.
May you find peace........ All my best to you.