Oh lost ... I don't know what to say except I'm so sorry, and I can't imagine the pain you must have gone through 15 years ago, and that you must still have with you in some way every day. I'd sent you a message earlier (probably a few times - I seemed to have trouble sending), but I hadn't read your post here yet when I sent it .. so please don't think I ignored what you shared here in this post. I should have looked through the forum posts first.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. (hugs)