Today I am seeing my divorce lawyer and giving her money. I'm going to go through with the divorce. Right now my AH is living in the basement.
Besides being an alcoholic he is verbally/emotionally abusive to me and the kids. He is physically sick also and is getting SSDI. I have a good job and have been here 23 years. My AH has worked but mostly under the table. Uuugghh. Right now he is working under the table and collecting SSDI.
His mother sent me an email over the weekend basically saying that it is my kids (they are 16) and my fault that he feels unloved, etc. That I put up my arms and let my kids do what they want. That us four should see a priest. That I didn't treat him like a husband. I should admit that to the kids. Let's see the list could go on.
She acknowledges that he is an alcoholic but that's it. She says alot during the email that he is going to end up in a casket and not because of his physical ailments. It was an upsetting email.
She says we should go to counselling and work it out.
Now that I have read this post I think because I have taken care of him all these years they don't want to deal with it. His brother puts a plastic shower curtain on the bed when my AH stays there overnight because he pees the bed after a night of drinking. And they think me and the kids should take care of him. Yeah, ok.
All the lies he is telling his family and they are believing him is stunning to me.
As for the divorce, we have seperated (he left) 4 times previously for a couple months at a time and I would always let him back because I still thought there was something. It was probably just the nervousness about being alone. Now after the last time which was in June for two weeks he is so angry I cannot take it.
I know that he will probably ask for alimony as his SSDI is only $700 a month. He will probably get to take a percent of my pension. At my job I am able to leave with a pension check every month after 23 years of working. I have a spitfire female lawyer who I know will intimidate him.
Since he is working under the table (I have proof). That is a bargaining chip. He won't pay for college. another bargaining chip. I don't want child support. I will just sell the house when the kids graduate and he can have 1/2 the equity if there is any.
On top of this we are filing bankruptcy.
He is a very revengful person. Not sure what he is capable of. I'm afraid to ask him to leave as it is his house so I am going to have the lawyer do it.
With my mother in law, I may have to get a no verbal abuse order for her so i don't have to hear her mouth belittle me and my children.
I think I got off topic. Sorry.
As for his credit cards, you will not be responsible for them if they are in his name only. If he defaults on them and you and him own a house then the cc companies can put a lien on your house. I'm going through that now. That's why we are filing bankruptcy.
As for the drunk driving and accident issues. You can be responsible. I am going through that here too. The truck is in my name and in is the sole driver. If he gets in an accident and kills someone and takes off they will be looking for me as my name in on the title. I have to have that taken care of pronto.
IMHO, if I end up paying him 20% of my pension then so be it. I think, no, I know I would be much happier without him as would the kids and it would be worth it to pay him that to have him out of my life. I can just stay working for another 20 years, get divorced and not pay him the pension money till I finally retire 20 years from now.
I hope I didn't ramble too much. There is just so much going on.
Be proactive, you do what's right for you and the kids. I know money is always an issue but until recently I thought that. But now, I think me and the kids happiness are more important than a few extra dollars in my pocket.
And for his family. Let them take care of him. That's my feeling now. My mind did a 360 in 3 weeks time. I have finally let go.