Chaosbutterly,
I can feel in your post the suffering you are going through. You were able to give up the meth, all power to you.
I am new to recovery and I think you have a lot to teach us about relapse, one question though when you gave up meth did you drink?
AA worked for you at one time but you seem a bit jaded by the meetings. Let me reccommend this website
12 Step Programs - Get The Real Story!.
All the best on your new soberiety