I'm struggling today with something.
I was sexually abused by my brother and father when I was growing up. I was made by my family to feel it was my fault and that I should feel ashamed.
After years of therapy, I finally accepted that I was not responsible for the abuse.
I made a decision recently to tell my niece about the abuse. Not the goriest details, but she wondered why I was not close to the family, etc. I was also worried about her well-being as she has recently been back in contact with her father, visiting him, etc. I worried that she might be subject to sexual abuse from him.
She's 21 and graduating from college this semester. She has a live-in boyfriend and a job and seems very mature to me.
I felt she was old enough to know the truth, so that she can be protected from any abuse and so that she will know not to leave any children she might have soon, in the care of the abusers, without supervision.
It was really very hard and scary for me to tell the secret. But I decided to do it to not protect the abuser (not to be codependent any more) and to protect my niece.
The family (including my niece) is furious with me. Says I need therapy because it's sick to still be thinking about the abuse or talking about it. Niece claims she is still a child and should be protected from the knowledge that bad things can happen in the world. She also said that 80% of her friends have been molested and it's no big deal so just get over it already.
Basically I am being hugely shamed for telling the truth. I have blocked e-mails now as I feel they were abusive e-mails and I had a right to protect myself from further attempts at shaming.
My basic urge is just to walk away entirely. I'm getting no benefit from these relationships and only getting bad things instead.
I'm thinking I should act on that urge. Not in an angry way, not with an emotional e-mail, etc. Just walking away after having blocked e-mails.
Thanks for letting me vent about this and organize my thoughts on this site. Perhaps some of you have also been shamed for telling the truth about an alcoholic or addict or abuser. Perhaps it's a common thing for codependents to rush in and attack someone who tells the truth about a situation.
I'm amazed by how scared I feel and shaky, just because I told the truth. On some level it still feels incredibly frightening to me, to tell the truth.
