Hi Hayfmr,
I do think bipolar can lead to alcoholism - or any form of self medicating - if undiagnosed. I'm pretty sure my ex had bipolar, he had all the classic symptoms, but for him it was more "acceptable" to drink and take illegal drugs than to take psych drugs. In his case I do think the bipolar came first as I knew him from childhood.
I think it's pretty tough for most of us to face up to and accept that we have a mental health problem. I have battled depression myself most of my life, but I still fight taking antidepressants, so i can kind of understand.
But I still think your AW has to be capable of taking responsibility for her actions, just because you have a mental health disorder doesn't mean you're allowed now to be like a child with no responsibility for yourself. That is a major turn-off for anyone to be in relationship with!
So while she can probably say that she was self-medicating herself, and that can be true, she still should have to take responsibility for the problems she caused others by doing that. I suppose that would be when you could feel you trusted her again.
That's the way I view it anyway.
It's a hard position to be in, and it kind of sounds like you've had enough already! She has to understand you too, not just you her. xx