Thank you all for kind words and support, it helps.
I was late for work again today b/c of a meltdown but on the positive side his behavior at school today was perfect. Incidentally my AGF called me this morning just as I dropped the boy off and I kind of disintegrated into a blubbering mess. However, I felt a little better and supported (in the best and only way she can right now and that's OK).
In regards to a gratitude list... Monday when I started on my way to work I had to wait b/c there was a parade of fire trucks screaming down the road. Lots of them, and big ones. I thought to myself, "someone is having a worse day than me".
I am en route to making some positive changes that will make things infinitely better, its just a matter of patience. My alcoholic mother will be moving any day now into her own apartment. She tends to instigate and fan the flames of my son's anger instead of helping to diffuse. When she moves I will be able to telecommute, saving me infinite amounts of time, gas, and energy. I used to have more free time with my son but with the brutal commute in the heat (it was 115 today) there's no energy left at the end of a work day. Plus, he used to do sports which I'll be able to do again w/o the commute. He really wants to do Cub Scouts and I was going to say no b/c of his behavior issues, but maybe I'll let him give it a shot. He needs *something*.
I am working on the whole HP thing. It hasn't clicked for me yet. I'm still working on step one. I commit myself to attending one meeting a week, rotating Al Anon and Nar Anon. I tried to make 2 but the way the meetings are scheduled I don't get home until after his bedtime.
I'd still like to sneak off on my own this weekend, but realize that's probably not going to happen. At least I'm no longer fantasizing about jail.