Originally Posted by Melissa9399

Hi all,
Im new here. My mom was a very severe alcoholic for many many years. I honestly cant even say how long, but it had gotten progressivly worse. Id guess at least 25 years maybe more. I hadnt spoken to her in about a year and a half. The reasons are numerous, but they all stem from her behavior as an alcoholic. My stepfather behaved as if all was normal, my brother who is also an alcoholic (who was in recovery for 7 years btw, just started drinking severely again a year ago.), he had a relationship with her as well, and my mom enabled my brothers drinking. Just to add my mothers mother was also an alcoholic who died many years ago, partially due to her alcoholism.
I just had a baby girl 9 weeks ago, and she didnt even bother to reach out to me. My husband and I were trying to have a baby for 10 years, so she knows what a miracle my daughter is, yet still nothing.
She shot herself after drinking a bottle of vodka, after a night of partying with her friends. My stepfather was away overnight on business and she was found Friday afternoon. My stepfather is basically blaming me, saying she died of a broken heart becasue of me. My mother was only 61 years old, and a survivor of severe childhood trauma and sexual abuse. I know thats why she drank, she never sought help, she was always in deep emotional pain. I had tried to get her to see a therapist through the years, but it didnt work.
Regardless of it all I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt, because I hant spoken to her. I know my reasons were valid, its just the thought that i now can NEVER talk to her again that is killing me.
If someone has any insight at all, please help me. My heart is broken.