This happened with my mom. I'm so sorry it happened to you. I feel guilt too. It's very painful at times. She died in April, over a year ago. I quit drinking in June this year and finally grieved some over it. Again, I'm so sorry this happened to her and to you. I know exactly what you must be feeling, the guilt over it. I had distanced myself from my mom about 8 months before she took the pills.