Sisterella

I love my sister, so very much. Tonight, we don't know where she is. We know she is out wandering the streets, drunk, half crazy, and depressed. I have had so many nights like these. Crying out to God for her safety, and protection. Praying that God will send that one person into her life that will get through to her. Praying that the scales would fall from her eyes so she could see what a WONDERFUL life she could have if she would just let go of bitterness and the bottle. That her fractured soul, broken spirit and wounded soul would seek healing some other way. I hate hearing my Mom and Dad in tears and in fear for her. How does she not see that she's not just hurting herself, but us, and her son as well. Or does she see and just not care? I'm not giving up on her, but I'm to the point that I'm angry, and that is not where I want to be either. I have days where I resent this "thing" from stealing my sister(the real person that I grew up with) away from me and turning her into a raging psychopath each night. I have days, and nights like tonight, where I am so wrapped up in fear that I doubt I will sleep. I have days filled with hope that she will beat this thing. Loving someone so much and seeing them throw their life away is the most draining thing I have ever been through. I've learned that forcing someone to get help when they don't want it is useless. I just don't know WHY someone in so much pain would not want to get better. NOTHING I say or do helps. I love her with all my heart, I pray for her without ceasing, I don't want to lose her. I just don't know what to do anymore.