Originally Posted by
Thumper 
My value regarding finances is that I do not want/feel like my husband needs to be responsible for me but he needs to participate as an equal - be responsible to the family unit.
Yes - as far as the idea of responsibility - my thought was in a marriage, it would be a joint responsibility to the
family unit (I like those words, thanks!) and since we both have careers, like Dolly describes, covering joint expenses together while maintaining our own financial identities. That's what I mean by a responsibility to a spouse. I also think of the same responsibility toward other things aside from financial...like the other big decisions. Do we have kids? Do we get another dog? Do we paint the living room green? Do we go to your family or my family gathering for Christmas?
I know I had a very dysfunctional marriage because of the addictions and the chaos that ensued. I know I am asking too much to have the conversation now - he is still too defensive. More than anything, I am learning my own priorities now that we are living separately and questioning whether or not these are things I can live with in the long run.
He says he always wanted a traditional marriage - but he can't define what those actions to have one would look like. *SIGH*