Originally Posted by
lovelifetga 
My husband is an excellent father, as long as he's sober.
Hi lovelife,
This sentence is a contradiction,
An excellent father does not hurt his son, (hurt can also mean: ignoring a problem, dismissing input from loved ones, abandoning yourself, setting a bad example)
An excellent husband does not hurt his wife,
An excellent man does not hurt anyone,
And there will be no peace nor sanity if he is still an active addict and you keep ignoring his problem.
Its really sad that his friend died but this man is an adult and he can get help to cope with his issues and with the mourning stages. The only ones who can help him are: doctors, AA, therapists, rehab.
Your son is learning its ok to drink, would you like to see him drinking and treating his own family this way in the future..? what would you feel if his future wife said she was "lost, confused, hurt and scared"? Your decisions now are far-reaching. I type this not as judgment but right now I am seeing the life of my sister (who just had a baby) and how her husband is acting JUST like my dad did: not an addict but SELFISH, leaving her alone to do and solve everything, not a constant, reliable, trustable presence in the baby's life nor in my sister's life. All this pain is unnecessary.
Your decisions now can change the story for you and for your kid.
All the best, you can do this.