Cadence57

Mike and JT,
Thanks so much. I attended my first online meeting tonight - it was painless and enlightening... so... there's that. I was trying to get to a 7PM meeting about 20 mins away (if traffic's not crazy) but between playing chauffeur (sp) and domestic goddess (dinner) for the kids, I just couldn't pull it off and I didn't want to walk in after it started!
SO... I have resolved to go to the Wed meeting (which is about a mile away) - no excuses!!! I'm actually looking forward to it, especially after dipping my toes in the water here, on line, tonight.
Mike,
Your "under the bed" analogy brought back memories -- I used to sit under tables and desks in High School (not in class, but in the other rooms). I'm not sure if I was trying to be "invisible" or looking for attention (or just plain weird!). Being invisible was always "my thing" as a kid - I guess it was a coping mechanism of sorts -- I suppose it still is... I really do try to avoid contact (ie: be invisible) with strangers except for "normal" places like work or the grocery store and I truly hate being the center of attention.

JT,
The thought of "going there" causes my legs to lock up. I also realize that the chaos of my childhood is what brought me to where I am today. I've done some work on myself (by myself) but I think I've gone as far as I can go, solo... The past/present issue bothers me - it's like the chicken and egg question. Do I need to resolve my past issues in order to fully understand and deal with my present issues? Or, does it even matter?

Well, regardless of what's dealt with and when, I've resolved to go and that's what I'm going to do. And if it takes 100 meetings to find one that works for me, then so be it. I think that just getting out and being among people with whom I have something in common, will do me a world of good. I know that tonight's Al-Anon cyber meeting was amazing - I can only hope to get as much from a "real" meeting.

Thanks so much for your input!