New Here
Hi all! I have been lurking and finally decided to create an account. I have been drinking for about 5 years now. It started when my marriage imploded. Looking back it started as something to numb the pain of that. And to numb my loneliness. And then it became a habit. About a year ago the drinking was getting really bad. I would always start in the evening and I was putting away 1/2 of a large box of wine a night. I would start around 7 or 8 and stop at 11 or 12. I have managed to make it to work every day though so I decided everything was "fine."
One of my dearest friends had gastric bypass about a year and a half ago. After losing all of her weight (and the ability to binge eat) she began drinking. In less than 9 months she has gone from one of my favorite people to someone on the brink of death. And she has scared the crap out of me! She has suddenly started wracking up dui's, public intoxications etc. She has lost her home, husband, children, job and sold everything she can get her hands on. Watching her has made me really see where this could all lead. I haven't had a drink since last night (Almost exactly 24 hours ago) and I am sitting here with my flushy cheeks trying to hold on.
I attended one AA meeting last winter. I thought I should go. I bawled through the entire thing and haven't gone back. It was a small meeting (about 12 women) and when they realized it was my first time the meeting screeched to a halt and they all shared their experiences with me. It was terrifying and humbling and yet I felt so safe for that hour. I drink less now than I did a year ago so I am still playing with the notion in my head that maybe I am not a "real" alcoholic. But I guess denial is the beginning of the journey, right?
-Carla