first of all thank all of you for your support. i dont have that at home. i know your not dr.s and thats ok because sometimes dr's cant help where total strangers can just with there kind words. this is one of the hardest things i have had to face. and i am really struggling right now. im glad i came here and decided to make a post. this is the most annomous i can be and that is the way i feel it has to be due to shame and being affriad. i really am addicted and it doesnt matter whether its physcal or mental either way i am addicted and want to admitt it. i want to over come it and im very scared and appricate any kind words i can get. sorry if my other posts seemed like i was grouchy but that is one of the things im dealing with. i feel crazy. but not crazy as in suicidal. once again thank you all and i will keep u updated.