Guys,
Thank you kindly for your responses. Here is what I am hearing.
-I need to take care of myself and be kind to myself.
-I need to attend open Al-anon meetings to learn more about her disease.
-Be weary of her ups-and-downs.
The good news is that I am pretty good about taking care of myself and staying solid. I know myself pretty well. Having these forums will help me maintain my focus. At times it will be tough, some days I really miss her. Already I am witnessing the ups-and-downs. Maybe it gets worse. Right now, she is all over the map.
Pelican said that this is a dance, with new music and new steps. I like that metaphor. Since detox my A-gf is a different person to me. Her personality seems to be lost in a fog. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of the girl I love and it is a sweet reminder to stay the course.
For the ups-and-downs I simply center myself. I do not weigh her words heavily on my chest and I do not analyze them. I let them pass through me. I appreciate a moment with her... even if she is being mean. She's my girl, I love her.
When I am alone I focus on work, diet, exercise, video games, and friends. Sometimes I get artistic. I clear my mind of her struggle. I let the difficult thoughts pass over me and focus on keeping occupied. Every night for the last few days I have had SR up on my computer. I have been reading it periodically. It helps a lot.
Does this sound healthy and good? I have been feeling a lull in my motivation for work and going back to school. I am sure it will come and go.
I will try to attend some open AA meetings by myself. I think I would prefer to go alone.
Thank you guys. Much love.
Rorty